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The things I wish I could go back and tell myself as I was holding my first born, Nolan, as a squishy little newborn. A lot of things have changed since he was born, including the fact that I’ve had five children in the last 8 years. Being a mom and a mom of multiple children at that, has allowed me to learn more things I never knew I would, grow more than I could have ever imagined and love harder than ever before. There is never a shortage of things to do with them and I try to be present as a mom as much as possible and get everyone their one on one time.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the “go, go, go” of life and in a phone but I know that my babies won’t be babies for long so I keep reminding myself so I don’t focus on the wrong things. Every day with them is a gift, even the hard days. There will always be hard days but its the moments in them that make up for it and cause me to be grateful for what I have. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we would each look at the things we can be grateful for instead of focusing on perfection? Just food for thought.
I know that parenting is hard but I am fully committed to making this happen. Seriously, that’s my attitude on it. I really don’t know what I’m doing. I pray a lot. I apologize a lot. I try new things a lot. I also know that tomorrow will always be a new day so it can get better.
As a mom of multiples, I’ve learned so much and I feel like I can share a few helpful nuggets for people considering being parents, pregnant moms, or moms who want a little guidance along the way. Parenthood is hard, being here for each other is the least we can do for each other. I really hope you think twice about what I’m sharing and consider implementing them (or one or a few) into your life with your multiple children.
Have a loose schedule for the kids and yourself.
This has really helped me and my children thrive better. In our house, we tend to know around about times on things that happen often in our daily lives and it really just helps us flow. I strongly suggest looking to these for your family, I wouldn’t mind sharing ours like I did earlier this year (click here to view) if you’re interested.
Create opportunities to have one on one time with each child.
This is something that Derrek and I take very seriously. It could be the boys going to get their hair cut together or me taking Harper to the greenhouses and picking out new plants… whatever the time is, Derrek and I pick children to do one on one things with and they LOVE it. The other night, Derrek and I took Nolan out to dinner alone and he was so excited, had the best manners and really chatted with us throughout dinner. Whatever the opportunity is, take it with your children! They are waiting for you to make moments with them.
Spend at least 30 minutes a day technology free with each kid.
Putting my phone down, turning off all devices and TVs has been a wonderful thing in my life. As a mom, it’s easy to let those things replace me but at the end of the day, I am not really replaceable. Spending focused time however long that is every day (being honest, it’s different every day) is very important because it makes them feel seen, helps you make connections and also makes you show up. I keep talking about putting down your phones and during off tablets for a reason! We are missing the blessings right in front of our eyes. By remaking it a priority, we can cultivate a wonderful relationship with our children.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Some things are bigger issues than others so don’t worry if the bickering is happening frequently… they are MULTIPLE a children that are around each other 24/7… do you remember being with your best friend for a few days to long? Yeah, it’s like that but forever! Give them grace to not sweat the small stuff and focus on their foundations as individuals and the rest will fall into place.
Set your rules and stick with them.
Kids are like sharks and can smell blood in the water. Someone told me that forever ago and I never forgot it. It’s so true. Stick with what you say. Your word is bond. LEGIT! Have your rules with your spouse and then make sure to follow through with what you say. Don’t threaten and not do anything and/or over threaten something not realistic, example: “we are never ever going to ____ again.” And whatever the rule is for one, it’s for all. Kids cannot stand one of them being able to do or have something that the others have. It comes with the territory of having this many kids.
At the end of the day, innately as moms we know what is best for our family. The modern world tries to pull us away from leaning into that innate sense because it isn’t the model they want everyone to follow. Remember to listen to your innate sense when deciding what is best for your family and lead with discernment. If you have multiple children and want to thrive as a family unit and also focus time on them individually, then do that! We all have the power to do what we want, it just takes focus.
I hope the tips I shared help you in your journey as a parent. Please share anything you feel has helped you in the comments below, I know that I would be blessed to hear your wisdom.