I think that I am in the middle of a big transition in my life. There is A LOT going on, so much that it’s hard to even begin to tell ya’ll about it. There is so many different moving parts to it all, it makes me overwhelmed thinking about it. The past few weeks have tested my patience, faith and will power. Some days, I feel so foggy and sad, I just don’t want to do anything. Having three little people around me, keep me from going into a deep funk. For that, I am thankful. During this time, I continuously think about how hard life is but how thankful that I am for what I have. I didn’t grow up with everything handed to me nor did I grow up with parents who helped guide me at any given time. My therapist calls me a “survivor” and the more and more I think about it, that’s exactly how I feel. I am a survivor. Why? Because I have chosen to to continuously move forward and not wallow in my experiences. I am reminded every single day by the kids how fun our life is, even if it’s something as simple as watching them jump on the bed. The sheer joy that is captured on their faces from something as small as that amazes me. Shouldn’t we all strive to find happiness out of life’s smallest pleasures?
When I first saw the pictures that Gabby Bracey took of our family, it made me mad that Nolan stuck his tongue out in so many of them. I mean, who does this kid think he is? Doesn’t he get “it” that these are important and I wanted to print them off to hang in our home. Then I stopped to think, look at his cute little self being a silly goose. He has so much personality, it bubbles out of him constantly. He cracks me up with all of his stories and his funny faces. I am glad that I have a few of them photographed so I can look at them over the years. I remember when he was a baby, wondering what he would be like when he could talk. Now he can and it can change my entire attitude just listening to his stories. I record a lot of them and listen to them when I feel sad. Being a mom constantly teaches you things. About yourself, your kids, life in general… life isn’t picture perfect. There are perfect moments and that’s what makes it so special.
Never in a million years, did I think that I would be standing where I am now. I created this life and I love it. Even the hard parts. The memories of paying my rent in quarters, eating canned foods for weeks, having “friends” that were only along for the party, feeling alone but surrounded by people, wondering if I was going to be able to make it home with my gas light on, and being black out drunk for the better part of seven years make me realize how far I’ve come. Every day is a work in progress and knowing that gives me grace.
No one is perfect. Everyone has struggles. No matter how “picture perfect” someone’s social media is, their daily life isn’t. Comparison is the thief of joy so stop wishing for someone else’s life and live yours! YOU can decide what you make it so go for it. Reach for the stars and don’t look back. Enjoy the moment that you’re in and stop wishing for the future. It will all happen when and how it’s supposed too. You don’t want to wake up one day and wish for a second chance because you didn’t appreciate it the first time around.